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You Have Never Been Far Away


"Above all, show your love. Show up. Say something. Do something. Be willing to stand beside the gaping hole that has opened in your friend’s life, without flinching or turning away. Be willing to not have any answers. Listen. Be there. Be present. Be a friend. Be love. Love is the thing that lasts."


When I first learnt that I was pregnant with Sadler I needed someone other than my husband to express my heart-racing "holy crap, I'm pregnant and scared" worries with. It was you.

You had your own worries. Your own pregnancy. Your own scares. 

But you were there. From one hospital to another you came and sat by my side to confirm our little 8 week 2 day old baby with his tiny beating heart.

We began these pregnancies together. We walked hand in hand. We grew closer than we had ever been in the almost 4 years of knowing one another. You became my Christina Yang, and I your Meredith Grey. Every day it was normal for us to call each other and ask, "Is this normal?'. Even with me sitting in the hospital bed, I would worry about you and ask my nurses daily if what YOU were experiencing was normal. Even with the daily sickness you endured, you were up at that hospital with me...for hours.

Being pregnant with you was one of the most exciting and beautiful bonds I have ever shared with anyone else.

When Sadler was born, you were there. You met my husband on the highway, and together you raced to meet me and our baby boy. You paced the waiting room to get to me after my surgery. At 4:30am. You got to meet our sweet boy, and he got to meet you. 

You have never been far away.

When Sadler died, you were there. You held him, you cried with us. You gave him love just as his was your own. 

You have stood beside me. You have loved me. You have grieved with me. 
You have done more than I ever expected.
I never once had to worry about you leaving me for the loss of our baby being too much for you to bear.

At times I have worried that the loss of Sadler has been to much of a dark cloud for you, and that it would steal away happiness from you and your pregnancy. You have continued to love me unconditionally, although I know that I have to be one of the hardest to remain friends with. It takes a lot of bravery and love to remain friends with someone who is grieving the loss of their newborn baby, while you are in your second half of your pregnancy. You could have easily walked away by now, but you haven't.

I receive a text from you daily, asking me how I am feeling, and how my day is. You listen to me as I vent all my frustrations, anger, hate, love, pain..whatever it is that I am feeling in that moment.

With you as my best friend Shannon, I can't say that I haven't ever been unsupported. 

It has been such a hard-fought journey for the both of us, but we have made it. We have thrived. 
We have weathered so many storms together with our boys. 

Thank you so much. You have no idea the impact you have had on this journey and on my life. I love you.

I can not wait to meet your sweet boy, and love on him the way that you loved on our sweet Sadler.



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