Now Those are Gone

3 days before you arrived.

I think Thursday will haunt me forever.
This is the last photo I have from a bump day with you.

Every Thursday we would celebrate a new "bumpiversary" together.

One more week that we could celebrate the life you lived inside of me.

One more day that I could take another bump photo with you.

Now those are gone.

Every Thursday since the passing of Sadler, a little bit of guilt sets in.
I feel like I took advantage of the days that we had together; like I should have done more.

I know that guilt came come with grief. I only hope that as I continue to heal, it's something that will quickly surpass. Deep down, I want to be happy. Grief sucks. Guilt sucks. It eats you alive, and is completely impossible to ignore.

Each day, my mind struggles to comprehend all of the different feelings and emotions that come with the loss of a child. I find myself overthinking everything.

It will get better Lindsay. This is a part of the process. This is your grief. Push through it, not around it. It's a beast, and like all else in this journey, it's a constant uphill battle.

I take each moment as it hits me, and work through what I can.

I'll soon forget about these Thursdays, but I won't ever forget about our Sadler.

I love you little boy. With every inch of my being.

Dear Lord, please comfort me today.

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No Bake Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Balls

You will need: 3/4 cup quick oats (60g) 1/2 cup oat flour (or make your own by blending oats in a food processor until they become powder. Measure after blending.) (75g) 1/4 tsp salt 1/4 tsp baking soda 1/4 cup xylitol or sugar (or coconut sugar or sucanat) (55g) 1/4 tsp cinnamon (optional: a pinch pumpkin pie spice as well) optional: handful mini chocolate chips 1/3 cup canned pumpkin (or sweet potato puree) (80g) 2 to 2 1/2 tablespoons milk of choice, as needed 1 tablespoon oil (omit if you desire, but I can’t vouch for the results) 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract Instructions: Combine all dry ingredients and stir very well. In a separate bowl, combine all liquid (including pumpkin). Then stir to combine, and form into balls or cookies. Or put in the fridge to firm up a little before forming cookies.

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Setbacks Over Progress.

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Raisinglittlegrays

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