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UnSubscribe 

It’s been almost 5 months. 

Yet I still haven’t been able to fully unsubscribe from all the junk emails from all the hideous baby crap. There is SO MUCH. 

“Buy one get one, one daily only @ Motherhood!”

“25% off at Buy BUY baby” 

“8 weeks postpartum Lindsay”  Mama Natural

“Today’s the day! It’s Your due date” — enter in the name of of of the one million baby related websites there are these days. 

Every time, EVERY SINGLE TIME, I go to check my emails, another one squeezes it’s way in. And when that happens, another very-detailed, very sad memory of a moment has an open window. 

Letters in the mail. Social security cards. Insurance information. Accidental bills mailed to your address showing every procedure and every dime, and every detail of your dead sons expenses. 

Will it ever stop? Is there a button for “un-subscribe” for all these constant reminders that your baby is dead. Will my phone EVER forget to auto-correct the words Infant loss, NICU, grief, and other words related to the death of Sadler? 

No. It won’t. 

Unfortunately, you cant unsubscribe from unwanted life events like you can an email. It won’t, and never will work. 

I feel like we lost everything when we lost Sadler. We lost future restless nights, baby firsts, the first girlfriend or boyfriend, sporting events... our son. 

Through all of the pain, I always remember one thing:


Sadler is waiting for me, I just need to make sure I always stay subscribed to Christ ❤️




Comments

  1. Kayla LoflinJuly 7, 2018 at 4:23 AM

    That last sentence gave me goosebumps. So much truth! Draw near to God and He will draw nearer to you! ❤

    ReplyDelete

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