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A Letter to my Living Children

My sweet Hasting, Annestyne, and Chantry,

I am so sorry that your little innocent souls have had to know what grief is. I am so sorry that your brother died, and that you never got to meet baby Sadler. I am sorry that mommy left you for so long, and I'm sorry that sometimes mommy seems really sad.

I know that sometimes you wish it was still the way that it "used to be", even if Sadler only was a baby in my tummy. Mommy does too.

I want you to know that I love you very much, and that even though you don't know it (or may not understand it) right now, and everyday you are helping mommy to heal. You are teaching mommy how to heal. I never knew that through your innocence, I could learn so much. I have watched the 3 of you so closely since Sadler died, and you have silently been teaching me a few things about healing.

Hasting, you recently broke your elbow. You were running being silly, tripped, and landed on your arm wrong. You played, you fell, but you got back up. There were tears. Lots of them, but you trusted mommy and daddy. You trusted us to take care of you, to help you feel better. Most importantly, you trusted us to help you heal. You reminded mommy that it's just as important to accept care as it is to give it. You showed mommy that sometimes in life we can get hurt, but we need to keep going, no matter how hard that boo-boo hurts. 




All 3 of you are so uniquely special. You all remind me to believe in the unseen, and to just be free. Be a free spirit that explores everything,  and see the beauty in it all. You are little explorers in life, and see the magic of everything that life has to offer. You make me open my eyes and want to discover more, see more, and live more. You three are mommy's biggest inspiration.



For those moments for that have now become memories for you, you are still inclusive of your brother. You say his name regularly, and you draw him in our family phots. You see him in the clouds, and on the days I need it the most he becomes the topic of conversation. You love your brother, just as if he were here. Thank you for including him. You are helping to keep his spirit alive.

You are perfect models of proving that healing through emotional expression is ok.
All the sadness, anger, and temper tantrums, are just a natural way our bodies are  succumbing to the hurt, in able to overcome and find joy again. Thank you for reminding mommy it's ok to fee like this.



Know that Sadler is watching you from above, and always remember your invisible string that connects you.

Never stop being little. 
You are the teachers of the future.

Always know that mommy loves you so much. You are an inspiration to me, and I will always be your biggest fans.

Love always,

Mommy


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